We’ve all heard the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” -- but I have quickly come to learn that it also takes a village to raise a mother.
This is an account of one mom’s journey to find her tribe. It’s a jungle out there, people. Navigating that jungle has quickly become my new normal. When we moved back to Baltimore, we left a fantastic group of friends. Friends with kids, friends about to have kids, friends newly married. It was SO Noah’s Arc and awesome. Who doesn’t love couple friends when you’re in a couple?
Fast forward to finding out I was pregnant again (I had miscarried 5 weeks prior) the week we moved back to Baltimore. My hormones were a wreck and my HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) slowly took effect. I basically lived on the couch and in my doctor’s office for the next 5 months.
The last few months of pregnancy I felt amazing and was able to carry on with lunch dates and shopping trips and coffee for catch ups. But after the baby was born and the initial novelty of a cute new baby wore off, the invitations started dwindling as they realized my schedule didn’t permit last minute lunches and hours long dinners talking about nothing, but then again everything.
And it’s true, I didn’t have the freedom anymore. And once someone turns you down enough times, you inevitably stop asking! But they just didn’t understand the massive shift my life had taken. I was living off virtually no sleep and was a complete nazi about trying to make my baby adhere to a schedule that would finally give us both adequate sleep (and me some sanity). Some would even ask if I could leave the baby at home. Yeah, no. I don’t have my kids in daycare, nor do I have parents or siblings that are free and can take her for an afternoon....it’s just me and the baby(ies).
So thus began my journey to find ‘mom friends’. It’s seriously like dating. I was lucky enough to nab my saint of a husband at 18 years old. I was never in the dating ‘trenches'. But, as someone speaking from zero experience, finding ‘mom friends’ is way harder than finding a potential partner for life! Because let’s be real....(some) women are complete bitches/batshit crazy. And they may seem normal at first...but they’re like first or second dating you! Of course they’re going to put their best self out there. They’re not going to let you know they’re a crazy anti-vaxxer or germaphobe! It’s when they’ve become comfortable with you that they let their crazy loose.
But let’s be honest, being moms shouldn’t be the only thing you have in common. That’s where my dilemma lies. I’ve met wonderful women, but if we weren’t getting our kids together to make sure they didn’t become anti social weirdos, would we be sipping lattes together?
I’ve given myself the task of getting out of my comfort zone and putting myself out there to meet more ‘family friends’. Don’t even get me started on the whole husband/partner pairing game. Will the SO (significant others) get along? Oye! Oh, and note to self: stop pressuring my childless friends to have babies---that’s probably not good, right? Apologies all around, people!
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